Yet, there is that always lingering guilt. The guilt for not putting in the 110% into the blogging or the sewing. The guilt that I should be doing more crafts with the kids, or that I should be taking them to more museums or exposing them to more culture instead of just taking them to the playground and calling it a day. The guilt that if I took on this mothering thing I should not be complaining or longing for something more for myself. That I should be totally content with waiting until they are older and do not need me so much to start pursuing my ambitions, my interests. I know, such bullshit! Most days I do not go here, I usually go to this place whenever something comes up like my husband telling me that he will be doing a movie in New Orleans for most of the summer. The news that I will be spending my summer as a single mom makes me want to throw a tantrum like a three year old and causes me to have complete bipolar emotions. I go between being positive and vowing to make the best of the summer to cursing my life. REALLY ?
This morning I woke up and said, okay enough pouting. Let's put things in perspective. I am lucky. Lucky that I had kids and had the luxury of staying home with them when I decided that I just could not leave them at 3 months old to go back to work. Lucky that my husband has always been supportive of all the decisions I made for our family. So instead of freaking out, lets look at all the possibilities. Maybe I can take this time to take a trip or two with my single mom friends? Maybe I can take this time to get back in shape, put all those workout videos into good use. And maybe, instead of being the wife that does not visit her producer husband on set, maybe this time I will travel alone with the boys and visit my husband in the beautiful city of New Orleans for a week or two! Keeping things in perspective is something that has gotten better with age and I am grateful because nothing good comes out of feeling sorry for yourself, because in reality most of the time you are way better off then most. I know I definitely am.